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"I refuse to curb my tuna intake"
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Review votes:
4800 Useful, 3340 Funny, and 3108 Cool
Toronto, ON
Yelping SinceFebruary 2009
Things I Lovecriminally dark chocolate, stroopwafel, accordions, Jonny Greenwood, John Frusciante, cashmere, southpaws, redheads, graph paper, pickles, koalas, linzer cookies, heirloom beans, Carrot Top, Dogme 95
My HometownToronto, ON
My Blog Or Website When I'm Not Yelping...I'm fluffing my aura
Why You Should Read My ReviewsI haven't turned on my oven in months
My Second Favorite Website My First ConcertMetallica - ...And Justice for All tour
My Last Meal On Earthsprinkle sandwich
Don't Tell Anyone Else But...I spend $80 per week on fruit
Most Recent DiscoveryGoody Spin Pins: https://goodysimplesty...
Current CrushAnand Wilder
First Reviews
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Date
Location
Category
Toronto, ON M4L 1C7
Papas Laundromat
Category: Dry Cleaning & Laundry
Neighbourhood: Leslieville
3 Previous Reviews:
-
7/4/2010
Along with the pair of noisy juggalos that moved into the unit above me a few months ago, this laundromat was the #1 reason I gave notice on my current apartment.
I thought it impossible to hate this place any more than I previously did, but apparently they've achieved the impossible with two final blows to my bank balance:
1. They've increased their washer prices by $1 per machine as of July 1, citing "HST costs." I've sifted through the list of affected services on the government website and have yet to uncover coin-op laundry. In any case, 8% on $2 does not equal another $1, last time I checked my rusty grade school math.
2. You know when you check on your dryer load before the time is up, to take out a few items that dry faster than others? Apparently if you wait more than one minute to do this, as I learned today, the dryer resets and eats all your coins. -
10/3/2009
I have a new tactic** for tackling my visits to this dour and soul-crushing laundromat. I made a playlist of S Club 7, Kylie, Yelle, Spice Girls, Scissor Sisters and other 150+bpm songs to help get me through the hour. Then I work on a logic puzzle till it's time to switch the laundry over and for the second half of my visit I read my Susan Miller horoscope.
**OK, admittedly I've only been here once since my original review of 8/14 - holy shit, that's almost two months without doing laundry. I have too many clothes -
8/14/2009 First to Review
Mark this date, folks, cause I promise it'll be the only time I review something with one star, yet return again and again. I have no choice.
0.5 stars for proximity to my home and 0.5 stars for comic relief.
My beefs:
* There are absolutely ZERO of the typical laundromat amenities here. No vending machines selling soap and dryer sheets for forgetful people or emergencies. No TV, stereo or magazines. Nowhere to sit really, certainly no lounge, except for some dilapidated chairs in need of a Lysol wipe. There's a change machine, but it charges you $0.25 per use. So if you have five toonies to change, that's $1.25 in fees, even though technically you're doing one transaction. Also, there is no clock and none of those laundry bins on wheels for transporting your items from washer to dryer and from dryer to folding table.
* No security or staff on hand. There were two characters loitering around the entrance the entire time I was doing laundry and they looked like they were either on their way to a bank heist or coming back from a kidnapping. All of the clothes that they washed had price tags on them and the conversation I overheard sounded like something out of Goodfellas. The one dude sounded like a cross between George Carlin and Al Pacino and had a Pomeranian named TINKERBELL. After seeing several other shady delinquent types walk in I doubt I'd leave my clothing unattended. Also, a woman who was drying her clothes in the machine next to mine smelled decidedly like urine. If I'm being honest, I come to the laundromat in the hopes that my clothes will come out smelling CLEAN and would rather not inhale the malodorous stench of piss while folding my tea towels. Thanks.
* Pricey. $2.75 per wash or $6 for a double wash. $0.25 per five minutes of drying time. The dryer price is pretty standard but the wash is expensive. At least the wash is quick at 27 minutes per cycle.
Toronto, ON M4K 1N8
(416) 461-2668
Timothy's
Category: Coffee & Tea
Neighbourhood: Riverdale
Enter Timothy's.
There is a stultifying variety of cold drinks here. Absolutely mind-boggling. From my peripheral vision as I type this using free wi-fi, I can see:
Odwalla (10 flavours)
Vitamin Water (5 flavours)
Fuze (5 flavours)
Minute Maid (5 flavours)
Fresh squeezed OJ & grapefruit juice
Nestea iced tea (3 flavours)
Glass bottle Coke & Sprite
Orangina
Perrier
Evian
V8
...and that's just the pre-packaged cold drinks. You can also get brewed iced tea, smoothies, frozen coffee, frozen chocolate (??) and then there's the usual hot selections of coffee and tea.
The baked goods section is equally mind-numbing. I had a hankering for marble cake until I saw the banana bread. Then I saw the lemon poppyseed, and then my gaze went for the raspberry white chocolate scones. And then zucchini bread, and the muffins. And brownies. And basically anything that can be jammed into a loaf pan and baked at 375 for 45 minutes. It's here.
There's nothing not to like about this location, except maybe for the fact that it's not as spacious as the Bay/Queen location. Good hours, great location next to Carrot Commons, a sweet street-facing patio and no nonsense wi-fi.
Toronto, ON M4L 3B6
(416) 466-8699
GoodLife Fitness
Category: Gyms
Neighbourhoods: Greenwood-Coxwell, Upper Beaches, Little India
She wished me a happy move and good luck with my future fitness goals, which I thought was nice and responsible of her. She didn't question my decision to cancel or try to convince or swindle me into staying. Goodbye, GoodLife. It's been a pleasure paying for/not using your services this past year.
2 Previous Reviews:
-
2/15/2010
ME: I'd like a personal trainer's help getting started on a workout regimen. Between 6-12 sessions, and I'm ready to throw down like $600. I just need help with motivation in the beginning...
SALESPERSON**: [after an assessment/delivery of lengthy descriptions of regimens, ERGO™-inducing information detailing the minutiae of BMI, BMR, ISO and other acronyms unnecessarily outlined so early in the game] ... If you're ready to make a commitment, let's sign you up for 160 sessions. The total will be $9700.
12 sessions /= 160 sessions
$600 /= $9700
I promise I was clear about my goals and that we both spoke English and appeared to understand one another. I had to pick my jaw up off of the floor.
Even divided into a payment plan, $9700 translates to $800/month. Guess what? I'm not a homeowner. You know why? I don't have $10,000 kicking around for a downpayment. As much as I have a commitment to improving my health, that is just not in my budget. When I said as much, I was met with a "Your body is an investment" speech, insinuating I didn't care to make the commitment or was otherwise sitting on a huge pile of money that I just didn't feel like throwing towards personal training. It was a real "all or nothing" approach. "Either you either want to throw the javelin in the 2012 Olympics in London, or you want to nap on the couch while alternately stuffing your sausage fingers directly into the box of Count Chocula."
I've belonged to five different gyms and I've never heard of a gym that doesn't offer low commitment package deals or pay-as-you-go. Even if it ends up costing me more in the long run, it seems ludicrous to assume that anyone has $800/month to spend on personal training. Most people barely want to invest $50/month on gym memberships - that's why shitty, no frills gyms like Fitness One exist.
I left so discouraged and my self-esteem so deflated that I didn't even end up working out, despite bringing all of my gear with me. I went home more unmotivated than ever. Is that the takeaway this gym should strive to offer its members?
Back to reading Shape magazine and watching YouTube tutorials I guess.
** It actually wasn't a salesperson, but a personal training manager. However, the pitch, pacing and delivery screamed "I just read the Sales Bible" (http://www.amazon...). -
12/13/2009 First to Review
Please note the timestamp on the photo I added to this listing: July 14, 2009. And guess who hasn't been to the gym once since then?
THIS FATTY.
Operation: Don't Be A Shitless Layabout™ officially launched earlier this week so I've been a regular at GoodLife since then. I can't say I look forward to going to the gym but once I'm actually there, I enjoy my time spent. Because I live nearby I don't have to use their showers (although the facilities are quite clean), but the washrooms are well-equipped with everything one might need, like a scale (so you can weigh yourself obsessively in private), hairdryers, wet wipes, lockers, etc.
The classes are terrific (zumba, yoga, bodyjam, bodypump), the instructors are inspiring and because it's a new facility (June 2009) all of the machines work and are in excellent condition. In fact, from the last time I went (July) until now, they've already replaced some machines to even newer models. They have several rotating step mills (hard to find), cybexes, rowers, many treadmills, a circuit station and then an entirely separate and colossal weights area on the lower floor. There are televisions with remotes and headset connections at each machine, so you can follow along to Days Of Our Lives or Flavour Of Love 7 or whatever other mindless show you tune in to while working out.
All 8 of the personal trainers here are smoking hot to the point of distraction. I plan on befriending one in the very near future.
My only wishlist item is better hours. I like the option of being able to work out later in the evening, and a gym that closes at 10pm weeknights and 6pm weekends is less than ideal. I'd love it if they could do a pilot where they open at 6am instead of 5am (WHO GOES TO THE GYM AT 5AM!??? Identify yourself!) and stay open one hour later. I need that extra hour to procrastinate.
Toronto, ON M4M 2X1
(416) 778-7688
Star Nails
Category: Nail Salons
Neighbourhood: Riverdale
This nail salon has the distinction of being the first Cambodian-run salon I've ever come across in Toronto. All of the girls that work here are beautiful and perfectly bilingual. When you arrive, even though the salon is busy, you're greeted by someone and told a wait time (less than 10 minutes).
Mara was my nail technician and she was wonderful. I warned her of my raw, ragged cuticles and she went easy on them while still filing my nails into a nice squoval shape. I chose a deep purple from the OPI Russian collection ("Midnight In Moscow") as my tester polish. The polish selection here really outstanding - they had more OPI than I've seen in a dog's age, as well as Nubar, Essie and some China Glaze. I had a really hard time narrowing down my picks. My solution? Come back a week later to do it all over again...
CUTICLE WORK/MISHAPS:
Flawless - no missteps.
HAND MASSAGE:
Really great. My eyelids not only closed, but actually started to flutter (also known as dreaming).
POLISH APPLICATION:
Expert. The bottle of polish was a bit glumpy so Mara thinned it out with thinner before continuing. After the polish was applied, she used a stiff art brush dipped in nail polish remover to do some very minor touch ups. My manicure lasted six days without a single chip, which is really excellent considering how dark the polish was!
EXTRA NOTES:
* Cuticle oil is applied with a small paint (art) brush, and it feels wonderful. After you sit at the drying station for about ten minutes, your technician comes over and flicks your nails to test for dryness. Then a weird shellac is sprayed over to harden the coat.
* The clientele here is mostly trashy and unkempt. Star Nails is right across from Gerrard Square (http://www.yelp.ca/biz...). While waiting for my nails to dry I overheard two separate phone conversations delivering or receiving news of teenage pregnancies.
$13. Cash, credit and debit all accepted!
New York, NY 10002
USA
(212) 533-5900
Make Up Mania
Category: Cosmetics & Beauty Supply
Neighbourhood: Lower East Side
So this is really a two star place but because I managed to find the incredibly elusive (and unavailable in Canada) Obsessive Compulsive Lip Tars here (http://www.occmakeup.c...) I'm giving it a three. This is one of only two places in all of New York that you can get these Lip Tars, and trust me, you want at least three of them. The filthy testers on hand were different than the available colours, essentially rendering them useless. If I can't test the products you have in stock, nor can I buy the products you have as testers, what's the point?? The salesperson was also rather unhelpful, citing "It's my first day" as an excuse. Yeah girl, I used to say the same thing when I worked in retail and didn't want to help anyone - and I worked there for two years. Wink.
They also stock Ben Nye and Graftobian here, as well as Spirit Gum and other theatre makeup supplies. This is where to get some of that hard to find stuff all the YouTube gurus constantly rave about. Beware, the space is tiny and there's not much room to groove once you're inside, but it's worth a trek to track down rare finds.
Belittle and demean your employees in front of customers and mess up order after order, barely apologizing to each person as you correct it. I imagine it IS difficult working at a fast food restaurant but this is a popular location and today's crowd was about 1/10th as thick as what I imagine the average summer turnout to be. Someone needs to shape up.
I don't want to hear a duty manager say things like "Shut up and take this customer's order!"
Nor do I find it necessary to have three people manning one cash register to take a drink order.
The incompetence was so high that the third customer in a string of wrong orders actually said, "Y'all need to get fired or something. You're terrible at your jobs."
Take a cue from the Greatest Wendy's Location Of All Time (http://www.yelp.ca/biz...) and work on whizzing through long lineups of grumpy customers with a 100% success rate, K?
75011 Paris
France
+33 1 48 07 14 59
Chez Imogène
Category: Creperies
Neighbourhood: 11ème arr.
Attention, c'est TRÈS coincé ici. Il y a de la place pour trente personnes mais je leur conseillerai de baisser la capacité à vingt ou même moins!
Because I actually fell asleep during my massage, I didn't have a chance to notice that dude was applying OPI Cajun Shrimp to my toes instead of my fingers, but no matter. Essie Mademoiselle looks just fine on my fingers, and four days later it's still going strong. Will this be another 8 day mani!? Only time will tell!
Note: Why is every surface here covered in clingfilm?
1 Previous Review:
-
12/30/2009 First to Review
On my way from another appointment I passed by Beauty Line and decided to press my luck** and get a mani. They happily accepted me as a walk-in at the low price of $12 (ie free).
My manicurist didn't speak English (like, not a word of it) but she was busy removing the last remains of my Ten Spot mani anyway. There wasn't much to clean up but it was a dark polish so it took a few swipes. She actually got remover all over my hands but cleaned it up afterwards.
CUTICLE WORK/MISHAPS:
Good cuticle work. My nails were already at their shortest limits so there was no filing or buffing required.
HAND MASSAGE:
Very good. Still not the best I've received but she had strong, firm hands and gave my hands an adequate rubdown. Hand cream smelled terrific.
POLISH APPLICATION:
Application was well done and required very few touchups. I had to prompt her to fix a few spots that she should have noticed/inspected on her own, but my hands looked great after the fix. She went right to the cuticle and every single spot on my nails had polish on it (which is not the case after some manicures). I sat under the hand dryer for about ten minutes and received some help when pulling out my wallet to pay. At $12 for a mani and $28 for a mani/pedi (at the time I went), this is affordable as a weekly option!
POLISH DURATION:
Here's what brought this place from 2.5 or 3 stars to 4. After 8 days, my polish is still largely intact with only a few chipped nails. How is this even possible?? I washed more dishes this week than ever, collapsed a bunch of moving boxes and even did some crafting. I'm impressed!
EXTRA NOTES:
* Polish selection was good - OPI and China Glaze.
* Lots of walk-ins and people buying gift certificates. They have another location on King Street West.
* I almost got into a fistfight with another customer after she repeated for the umpteenth time "When you have white lines on your nails, that means you're lacking in calcium. I'm calcium deficient. I don't drink enough milk. That's what the wine lines are from." No, bitch, that's not what they're from - stop perpetuating that myth. She wouldn't shut up about it and I wanted to lunge across the table and throttle some sense into her. A zinc deficiency, maybe, or maybe she just banged her nails on something, got too many manicures or handled too many damn pickles.***
** Remember that show?? http://www.youtub...
*** http://www.straig...
Toronto, ON M4L 1C8
(416) 466-3995
Greenwood Variety Store
Category: Convenience Stores
Neighbourhood: Leslieville
I'd love to meet the people who rent movies here (especially with Film Buff three doors down). Who are you? What prompts you to rent from here? What kind of movies do you rent??
2 Previous Reviews:
-
8/23/2009
Props to Greenwood Variety for stocking my most beloved, elusive (and soon discontinued) Sobe Adrenaline Rush energy drink in stock when I went in yesterday!
I bought all 55 cans. -
8/4/2009 First to Review
This is my "new" variety store - by no means a favourite, but definitely the most convenient of convenience stores as it's only a few doors away from my apartment and open till 11pm.
It's got all the hallmarks of a Toronto convenience store: store clerk talking on the phone when you walk in and barely glancing at you as they ring in your order, limited English capabilities and the selling of random things like DVDs, school supplies and propane tanks.
Some things to love:
* Swiss Rolls. Never before have I seen a Swiss Roll in this province. They must smuggle them in from somewhere, but this girl's not complaining!
* Ruffles Au Gratin chips. Again, very difficult to find in this city. I go between panicking and fearing they've been discontinued to breathing a sigh of relief and stocking up whenever I come across them. My worries stop here.
* GOOD flavours of Vitamin Water. The "yellow one", the "coral one" and also that weird Tamarind flavour you can only buy in Buffalo - this store's got 'em all.
On my 9 hour return flight I fared even worse: when the flight attendant came around to serve food and I asked for a vegetarian option I was told they didn't have anything.
WTF.
With no food court past the security checkpoint at Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris, I was expecting to be served something - anything - in the air to help me get through the haul. Instead, I was offered the meat meal without the meat, and it was insulting to say the least. Nearly raw canned potato chunks laden with cream sauce (lactose intolerant and vegan candidates need not apply). and another rock hard dinner roll (the grossest affront of them all after having spent time in Paris, where the 40 cent baguettes taste better than the freshest loaf you can find on Canadian soil. The butter packet was frozen, but after only consuming about one dollar's worth of food and no more than 40 calories I was desperate, so I ate it. No other food was offered for the rest of the flight and it took two hours to have my full tray cleared.
Also, thank you for sending me an email and text alert 12 hours AFTER my cancelled flight (due to the Icelandic volcano) back to Canada was scheduled to depart. Very helpful.
2 Previous Reviews:
-
2/8/2010
One extra star awarded for the sweet seat that I ended up with due to an egregious error by the airline. I wrote this review before I tried to change my return flight and learned that it would cost more ($748) than my entire round-trip ticket ($610) to do so. I'm almost tempted to take away that second star...
I checked in the night before without any trouble. I had already hand-selected my seat (using http://www.seatgu...) over a month ago when I booked the flight and kept my preference when I checked in online. Because of the new travel restrictions, I had to check my suitcase. For some reason Air Canada does not allow you to print your own luggage tag for U.S.-bound flights the way all other airlines do. So instead of proceeding directly to customs and security, I had to wait in line with the rest of the plebes who were checking in manually. There was no separate line for "baggage dropoff" (I use quotes because the word dropoff implies speed and convenience, neither of which I experienced). It was the equivalent of depositing a cheque at the ATM and then having to go wait in line at the teller to withdraw the same money. Not impressed.
No fewer than 200 people ahead of me in line - with over two hours to spare before my flight's departure you'd think it'd be plenty of time, but no. There was a lot of panic in this lineup. A few people crying, some others yelling, and many utterances of "this is mind-boggling." There were many angry passengers being consoled by AC personnel for either missing their flights or being told they'd have to leave their baggage behind. Also, you have to pay for additional checked bags in excess of one, and the pay pad was broken, causing further delays. At this point I had been waiting an hour.
An AC attendant did a callout for passengers on flights departing within an hour because there was a risk we wouldn't make our flights at this point. Excitement ensued! A few of us stepped forward and went to the front of the line. I put my bag on the scale and told the check-in attendant that I just had to drop the bag of - I had already checked in. She furrowed her brow and walked away without saying anything. Came back ten minutes later and did a bit more typing, and asked one of her colleagues some questions. I heard mumblings of "was that person authorized to do that? I can't find her passenger info." I stood there out of the loop.
ME: Is there a problem? I checked in last night and just printed my boarding pass. I'm literally just dropping off this bag.
AIR CANADA ATTENDANT: It appears you're not on the flight. Someone has undone your check-in.
ME: Uhhh...OK. Well, check me back in I guess? I dunno. I need to get through security and customs.
AIR CANADA ATTENDANT: You've lost your seat, so you can no longer sit at the window. I'm putting you in the centre seat, row 38 (ie: by the shitter).
ME: But I chose my seat for a reason, and I did it a month ago.
AIR CANADA ATTENDANT: Someone else is in that seat now.
ME: .....
AIR CANADA ATTENDANT: OK, I'll put you in the exit row at the window.
I scored a sweet seat with tons of leg room (not that I really needed it). There was no seat in front of me, and the guy in the next row (who I imagine had requested an extra leg room seat and was hoping I wouldn't make it onto the flight so he could take it) glared at me for the first 30 minutes of the flight.
The flight was on time and the staff was pleasant, although I'd make the following recommendations:
- the francophone flight attendant reading the emergency procedures script had a limited grasp of the English language. For flights heading to the U.S., should FAs not be fluent in English?
- please throw me a free sandwich or other meal. Tack on an extra $30 to my flight, I don't care. After paying $600 for a six hour flight I should not have to pull out my wallet to pay for food just because I'm not crossing an ocean. -
9/14/2009 First to Review
Why is it that a $6 latte comes with friendlier service than a $600 flight?
Subtract one star for inflexible refund and exchange policies. It shouldn't cost me nearly the price of an additional flight to modify my departure time a week in advance.
Subtract another star for not providing a free meal on a six hour flight. How this isn't rolled into the price of the flight is beyond me.
Subtract yet another star for the smug flight attendant who almost made me piss myself in the aisle. After sheepishly asking the massive, hulking man beside me to please get up so I could use the restroom (this was a five minute ordeal) I made my way towards the back of the plane. Two flight attendants were blocking the aisle with the beverage cart but they were nearly at the last aisle. When I motioned to jimmy my way past, I couldn't fit. I thought they would move the cart out of the way but instead the one guy says "Looks like someone's gonna have to wait!" So I stood there and waited. One minute. Five minutes. Ten minutes. He took his sweet fking time to chat up each remaining passenger and fulfill their beverage requests. In the meantime, I stood there in the aisle being scrutinized by the seated passengers who were surely wondering why I didn't sit back down (clearly they hadn't seen the guy I was sitting next to). In retrospect, I should have just sat back down and pissed myself because my surrounding area had the stale odour of urine anyway, if you know what I mean.
Subtract a final star for forcing us to watch commercials and ads before in-flight safety instructions. Tacky and shameful.
One star awarded for departing and arriving on time.
I was in the midst of doing ten loads of laundry here this past weekend (yes, ten) spread out across three jumbo machines, and one of the washing machines got stuck at the one minute mark, with the door pried shut and impossible to open. It stayed like that for about fifteen minutes.
As mentioned before, this laundromat is unstaffed, so I called the "service" number which presumably belongs to the owners, and left a sternly worded voicemail asking for assistance. Not only did no one ever return my call, but repeat phone calls to the number resulted in a full mailbox. I ended up having to kick the washer door open to get my duvet covers out. Maybe now someone will fix it?