Kat "Pete Postlethwaite Enthusiast" F.'s Profile

Well, well, well. Look who's got a fully functioning ATM, Beck taxi stand (for those times your cell phone's dead and you need to hail a cab at 4am), lounge and free computer centre with internet access for all?

CAMH, you surprise me sometimes!

This place is so enigmatic -- I don't quite know what to make of it. It's at once the most bizarre and inexplicable venue/restaurant/dive bar I've been to. When you walk in, you're punched in the face by the aroma of mushrooms and woodchips. There are weird upholstered booths, tapestries and ceiling fans from the 80s. They serve Indian food but the decor is pure Motel 6. I'm certain that the film director Davids (Lynch and Cronenberg) come here to brainstorm character ideas.

We arrived at 1am on a Friday for food but the kitchen had just closed. Our server, a modern day Pauly Shore (where's that guy been, anyway?), was a hoot. Greg C had promised a menu with flowery and hilarious descriptions but Stratengers had since upgraded.

KAT: Hey bromigo, where are the old menus?
SERVER: I dunno man. I just got back from LA.
KAT: Oh yeah. What were you doing in LA?
SERVER: Oh just whoring around.
KAT: Did you just say whoring around?!
SERVER: Yep.

I'll be back to try the food.

Is there a star option for "not my favourite"? Because this is not my favourite LCBO. In fact, on a scale of "1 to Summerhill LCBO" it's a 1.

With the exception of cashiers, staff is nowhere to be found. I knew what I was looking for, but being new to the concept of wine in bottles (as opposed to boxes - KIDDING) I didn't know where to find it. I spent a good thirty minutes dodging reeking hobos and fauxmless people trying to find a very specific bottle of wine. There seemed to be more vagrants than typically present in an LCBO.

I bought four bottles of wine and wasn't offered a bag even though I had my nickel ready. They only had individual paper bags - no plastic. Pardon me if I don't want to carry three litres of wine in separate paper bags on the TTC.

The entrance is difficult to find. It's in the basement of the Atrium On Bay near the subway. There are signs on the map showing it in a different spot but don't be deceived...it's way in the corner.

The most expensive pizza I've ever (not) eaten, next to Magic Oven, and the latter's got organic/specialty ingredients that you didn't even know you wanted on a pizza in the first place.

$15.80 for a small "Jazz Cajun" pie with two toppings (sundried tomatoes and goat cheese) is far too expensive. I don't count "sauce", "seasoning" and mozzarella as toppings as those are standard. So I paid almost $16 for goat cheese? Because as you can see from the photo, the sundried tomatoes were liberally "sprinkled" on top as an afterthought and immediately fell off the moment I lifted out the lone slice I ate. The pizza tasted OK but there wasn't enough sauce. In fact, I want a refund for the "sauce" topping. Unless its inclusion in "quotation marks" is intended to call attention to its "sparseness".

Mike S ordered cajun wings ($11.25) and there were eleven of them. They were neither breaded nor sauced - instead a sort of shiny texture glistening with beads of oil. He said they were gristly. I don't even eat meat and I know gristly = not ideal.

I'm trying not to fault this place for taking close to two hours to deliver my pizza on a Saturday night, but really, driving a pizza ten blocks east shouldn't take that long, and I was quoted one hour at most. I had to call back after ninety minutes to ask for an update and was told the driver had just left for my house, but then it still took another thirty minutes.

Also, what are "pork wings"? Because they're on the menu and I need to know exactly when pigs started sprouting appendages that facilitate flying.

I almost tore a strip off Tara L when we plunked ourselves down in a booth at South Street at 2am and she declared "Ugh, I'm not even really hungry." I was going to force feed her if I had to, but luckily she wisened up when the food came around and we all focused on feverishly devouring what was put in front of us.

Incredible diner food. Allegedly the only one of its (24 hour) kind in Boston, and much appreciated after a night of carousing and cavorting in the city. We were rowdy and ravaged by hunger but our friendly and patient server took care of us without any trouble. I was in the mood for a plate of grease with grease on the side and extra grease on top, and he was happy to oblige.

The homefries were among the best I've ever had. An absolute must-stop after a night of debauchery!

Quite frankly, I've baked better cupcakes using an Easy Bake oven at age 8.

The Creme Brulee cupcake ($2.75) I sampled was unacceptably dry. The base was at once crumbly and also stuck to the paper liner as if it hadn't even been pre-greased or -- gasp -- as if to draw attention to the fact that perhaps no butter had been used. The actual custard part was decent tasting but again, not properly executed as it was a goopy mess.

I threw the rest out, and if you've ever seen me you know I don't exactly turn my back on desserts.

I'm tempted to do some "ass kicking" of my own and dole out one star for the use of Comic Sans as a website typeface.

Our unconvincingly-legal-aged server had apparently just partaken in a Susan Powter workshop entitled "Learning How To Say No", because every request made of him last night was denied.

FOOD: Deserving of five stars. Yummy, yummy breaded cabo fish burrito with black beans, roasted red sauce, homemade sour cream, (instant) rice and mild guajillo sauce. My Pink Cadillac cocktail was also delicious, if overpriced. There was a decent wine list but most wines were only available by the bottle, not by the glass, which further pissed me off.

PRICE: Highly overpriced for Mexican food. $16 for a fish burrito is too much. $9 for guacamole and chips is too much. I make guacamole on an almost daily basis and I know what one avocado mashed up in a bowl looks like. What we paid $9 for wasn't even one avocado's worth - it was mostly chips. $12 for a tequila cocktail pre-made from a mix by someone who's barely of legal drinking age is also too much. Website's menu prices are inaccurate. We also ordered a mojito pitcher ($49) that alleged to serve seven people, which would work out to $7 a glass (not bad) but were unable to squeeze even four full glasses out of it. So more like $12 per glass.

SERVICE: Amateur hour. Not 24 hours prior a group of 20 of us ate at Gio Rana's, where they handled our table like champs and gave us absolutely no trouble. Chimichanga's wasn't even close to as busy and could hardly handle our table of 7.

In almost every review I read about the fresh guacamole made at the table with mortar and pestle. I was so looking forward to it, until our server told us that they only do that on the first floor. We were saddled on the second floor so we were SOL. And honestly, that was the general mood and attitude of the servers all night: "Guess you're shit outta luck!"

I was excited about the fresh guacamole because I normally can't eat it due to an onion intolerance. When I ordered my burrito I was told that the guac in the burrito isn't fresh (when exactly is it made?) and that they couldn't accommodate my no onion request. When I asked if they could take a spoonful from the fresh batch and dump it onto my plate the server said no. The concept of a food sensitivity or allergy was apparently foreign to this boy because he told me I should just get it anyway since "you can barely taste the onion."

KAT: So I guess I'll just get the burrito without salsa and guacamole?
SERVER: I guess.
KAT: What kind of Mexican food is that, with no guac?
SERVER: Dunno.
KAT: So I guess I'll just do that then. No salsa, no guac.
SERVER: *shrugs*

Then, when I went to leave early and asked for my bill, I was told they don't do separate bills, and there was no way he could calculate my portion separately. I busted out my iPhone calculator and tabulated my drinks and burrito plus 13.5% tax and went up to the bar to get some change so I could leave a tip.

But guess what the response was when I asked for change?

SERVER: We don't do that.
KAT: ?? But it's for your tip.
SERVER: *slams pitcher and fumbles way around cash register, looking for change* (I asked for two fives and a ten on $20 - I wasn't asking for laundry change here). [to other server] "Do you have change?" *shaking head all the while and rolling eyes*

I'm sorry - since when does asking for change incite eye rolling and pitcher slamming? Is this not a simple request? Is life really that hard?

Needless to say I did not leave a tip. It's a shame because the food was delightful, but the service quite amateur. If I was managing a restaurant I would put my best, most experienced staff on Friday night shifts, but that's just me.

Not recommended for groups.

Who knew dollar stores could be so useful for party planning?

This place has all sorts of balloons on hand - birthday numbers, get well soon, congrats, etc. Helium fillups are $0.85 per balloon, which I think should be discounted if I supply the balloons, but whatever - convenience is key here.

Also, I believe one metre of ribbon per balloon is sufficient - I got three per balloon and it was quite unwieldy to transport.

Three stars for convenience, price and proximity to my home. None awarded for friendliness.

I only have 26 teeth and I still had double the number of the average Gerrard Square patron. It's a sad, sad mall. In one visit I heard an elderly Asian man scream the N word, saw a 60 year old man try to pick up three teenage girls and a shoving match between a guy and his baby momma's best friend.

To top that off, it has what has to be the worst ad campaign I've ever seen for a mall in Toronto - even worse than Dufferin Mall's - called "Embrace your square." And in every image on the mall's facade something is square-shaped. A square goatee, a square afro, a square ear. LAME. Is this mall even in the shape of a square? I don't know.

The only great things about this mall are the fact that there's a decent Staples, Winners, Zellers and even a Benix (those are hard to come by - great place to buy small kitchen appliances like Fagor pressure cookers, which AFAIK are only sold at Benix stores).

Every other middling store in this mall could be torched and no one would notice.

How on earth did I initially only give my favourite health food store only four stars!? This is a ten star store. The only thing that could elevate it to The Only Store I'd Ever Shop At™ status would be if they could bring back Tings (http://s2.thisnext.com...). For some reason I can't find them here anymore.

REASONS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ESSENCE OF LIFE:
* Newly expanded to include the space next door, so the beauty and cleaning products have wayyy more room to groove and you no longer have to suck in your gut/grease yourself up with butter to squeeze through the aisles.

* Staff is friendly and helpful, not to mention the owners are extremely knowledgeable about product inventory and availability, and will go out of their way to order new things for you (example: Spirutein in different flavours than what they normally carry). They also give me a 10% discount when I routinely buy them out of Genisoy protein bars in Chocolate Mint. Seriously, I buy whatever they have in stock (sometimes upwards of 50 bars) because they're so hard to find.

* They REFUSE to be undersold and the price differences are actually startling. For instance, Avalon Organics hand soap (Mint or Lemon are the ones to try) costs $4.99 here, vs. $7.99 at SDM or Big Carrot). Oregon Chai mix is $2.99 vs. $8.99 (!!) at Savoury Grounds or other cafés. Bob's Red Mill products are also cheaper here, and so are Lara Bars and Endangered Species chocolate.

They sell all sorts of stuff you'd want to buy: about 20 types of milk alternates, strange teas, herbs, bulk grains, nutritional supplements, protein powders, diva cups.