8/5/2009 1 photo

Despite my multiple, ridiculous phobias (thunderstorms, flies, opening gifts, horses) I *love* being scared. Like, actually scared. The kind of scared where you think you might either promptly drop a load in your undercrackers or start involuntarily letting out nervous giggles because you think you might die.

I love scary movies and I love haunted houses and the whole strip of horror houses in Niagara Falls, but Screamers is truly the best of the lot!

They have a Chicken List that currently numbers 73,000+ people. That's the number of people who've paid their $15 admission fee and not made it through the perilous maze of darkness and despair without running back out into the lobby squealing like boiled lobsters.

The name of a guy I once dated is on that list. At 6'2 and 200+ lbs he was all "Babe, I've got your back - we're totally gonna hold hands once we're in and you'll SO be OK. Don't even worry about it. I'm right here!"

Yet mere footsteps after pulling back the black curtain and entering the pitch black starting point of the haunted area, he spun on his heels and STORMED out, dramatically fumbling with the curtain and causing a huge commotion in the lobby. And I was alone.

Let me tell you my heart has never beat as quickly as it did during those ten agonizing minutes. At every turn, someone was either grabbing at my limbs, breathing heavily or snarling in my ear. And I could not see a goddamn THING (I swear as I get older my night vision gets worse - even after ten minutes in the dark I can't see a foot in front of my own face). At one point I actually said "I know someone's about to grab my leg - just please, please, please let me pass by without touching me. I'm going to have a heart attack here!!" I was simultaneously sweating, crying, twitching and shrieking. Actually, it was not unlike 1:04 here: http://www.youtube.com...

...and it was probably the best $15 I've ever spent on entertainment. Highly recommended!

Listed in: The Most Random Things I've…

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